To care or not to care
That is an important question.
There is a time to care and a time not to care, so there is no easy answer.
The real question is: Is this a time to care or a time not to care?
Still no easy answer.
In general we all want to live in a caring and supportive world. The problem is that we don’t always feel caring and supportive, and even if we do, we may be doing it in the wrong way for the recipient.
The answer comes through discernment and values.
This requires you to know yourself and your true values.
It also requires you to care enough to know what is of real value to the recipient of your care.
This is of great importance for all relationships whether they take place on the international stage or in the home.
It requires you to not give up on yourself or on the other.
Discernment then requires you to take responsibility for self-care and to exercise this in ways that align with your values.
Sometimes care for self appears to conflict with care for all. This is when we need help to consider how we can do both at the same time.
This is possible. It is a growing edge for many of us. I enjoy helping couples discover their growing edge when I work with them in relationship therapeutic coaching.
A friend once said to me, “don’t give care where care is not given”. It was good advice and not easy to follow.
If care is not wanted or received it is time to train yourself not to care until they are ready to receive your care, which could be never. This is the time to focus on self-care by asking yourself some searching questions.
Discernment requires us to work out if the care we give is good for us AND if it is good for the recipient. When care lights us up and motivates us however tired we are [eg. When looking after a child or sick person in the middle of the night], it is good for us to care. These situations align with our values. When our caring holds the potential for resentment it is likely not to be so good for us, especially if they don’t align with our values.
Valuing our values is respect. Respecting ourselves usually helps us to work out if it is a time to care or a time not to care.
